So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
