I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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