my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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