Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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