the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
