My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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