I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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