Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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