If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
