Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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