I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize