I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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