i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
