So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize