i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
