Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
