you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
