i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
