you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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