You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
