I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
