Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
