Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
