Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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