For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
