bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize