I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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