Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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