too bad you live with your parents still
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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