This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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