Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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