That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
