Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
