once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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