i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
