Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
