Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
