I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
3 2 1 whiskey
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize