Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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