When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
