the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
