I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
