oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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