If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
