Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
