ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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