i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
