somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize