what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
handjob tips. give me some.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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