Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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