you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
