Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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