dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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