But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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