I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
