Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
