She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
