hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
