ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Can I color on your dick again?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
