He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize