U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
