Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
