Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
