this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
