mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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