My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
