Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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