Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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