marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
