You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
