You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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