I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
