did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
organizing the empties. That sober.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
