Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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