this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
